Tek off de mask!

I'm using this time to calm down because presently I'm highly annoyed that I can't find my lab results book. I have a specific book that I put all my calculations, weighing, titre values, etc. in and guess what? I CAN'T FIND IT! ARRRGGGG! My Windows Media Player is on shuffle and it just pulled up Fred Hammond's version of "No Weapon" (formed against me shall prosper). I wonder if this is some kind of sign. Anyway, I'm very angry right now because every weekend that I decide to catch up on assignments and whatever else, something ALWAYS derails me. I can't even begin to express how I feel not being able to do my(overdue) lab because the results are missing. How am I supposed to get a grade for a lab when the main information, the very purpose of actually performing the lab, is missing? This keeps happening. Is it truly a sign? Am I supposed turn my back against all remote forms of science this instant and find something else to major in? Am I being melodramatic? Perhaps. I've never seen so many things go wrong before, constantly, every week. Not in first form, not in fifth form and not in a levels. Ma bex nuh! (sucks teeth)Beside my current frustration, I have a question. Have you ever had something you knew you had to do but instead of doing it, you pretend to have it shoved up in the back of your head? You try really hard to pretend not to know that you have to deal with it. Yet despite your best efforts to forget, you are daily reminded that you must deal with it. Then you concoct the idea to drag your feet on actually dealing with it until the time has passed to deal with it. In the case where you have options and time will definitely eliminate the other options, you allow that time to lapse ,until you're left  with no choice but to pick the one you really wanted all along. I find myself doing that lately. I say, God show me what to do and then because I don't like the answer, I turn around and pretend not to know. Worse yet, I allow day after day and week after week to pass, hoping that the only choice left will become the one that I wanted. How sad. Talk about a twisted mindset. Sometimes I do laugh at myself for thinking that God doesn't know that I'm deliberately stalling or as the elderly put it, "pussyfooting" around.
Windows Media Player is now playing "The Motions" by Matthew West. I like the line that says, "I don't want to spend my whole life asking what if I had given everything, instead of going through the motions" Precisely what I was just thinking. I'm fully aware that I would be an excellent player of the game of church because I have years of experience. For example, I'm intrigued by die-hard video gamers because it amazes me how they just get better and better each time they play. They know what to look for and when. What was once a challenge, no longer is.  Same thing, I know all the do's and don't's. But I'm not about to fade in the background and be just another church goer. That's why self has to be the first thing to gowhen you decide to have a personal relationship with Christ. You can't be saying, Use me, Lord, then trying a little black- market- behind- the- scenes thing. Yeah? These days I'm all about being so real with myself that I scare myself. No masks or charades. Just me, stripped  bare. It doesn't make sense to pretend because God knows us anyway. He already knows everything so you might as well be honest.
I'm feeling better now so I'm off to do my work. Ah the joys of writing! I always feel better. Toodles!
P.S.- Tek off de mask!